Flossy, flossy

My gym has been making it’s way through the Fergie catalog in the mornings, for whatever reason. Yes, they played “My Humps,” and also “Fergilicious,” like, many times. “Fergilicious” is actually sort of delightful to hear at 9 am; I be up at the gym just working on my fitness. The other day though, they played “Glamorous,” and since then I…sort of can’t stop listening to it.

It’s just so strange, you know? Coming over the loudspeaker it sounded so wistful and sort of sad, and I find myself wanting to listen to it constantly, it’s floaty mood and Fergie’s strange voice, which somehow fits it perfectly. Like, are you listening to this? The high sighs, the soft synths, the drifting techno bloops in the back. When Ludacris comes in it’s actually kind of jarring, because now it just sounds like a rap/top 40 song (albeit, you know, a Ludacris one. Champagne wi-ii-I-shes!).

If you actaully listen to/look at the lyrics (ha!) it’s not supposed to be sad, I think, but it also makes almost no sense. It’s hard to be famous but also Fergie used to have a Mustang. I truly think that we can live several more centuries as human beings and not come up with something as great as “I’m no queen, I’m no machine/I still go to Taco Bell.” The part at the end – “I’m glad my daddy told me so, he let his daughter now” – is my favorite though. I’m not sure what he told her but it could be anything, you know? It makes it all vaguely sinister, or alludes to a whole other story that I don’t know about. It could be anything. The whole thing is like the best song the Pet Shop Boys never wrote with Lil Kim, or like some teenybopper’s idea of an indie kid’s idea of a top 40 song. I don’t know, I love it.

Also was this the original use of “if you ain’t got no money take your broke ass home”? That doesn’t seem right, but I’ve looked around the internet and I can’t find an earlier one. Such a seminal phrase in our culture, from Fergie?

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