My mutant power is writing several-weeks-behind blog posts

(A few weeks ago, I saw three movies in one week. Now I’m gonna write about them. This is post 2/3.)

My favorite drinking game to play, during, like, life, is where you drink every time Ian McKellan says “old friend.” Just, like, always. Guess what – it happens all the time. If you play this game, and only this game, you will sometimes be drinking, and if you watch the X-Men movies you will be drunk.

Duh

If you meet him in person and work "old friend" into the conversation, you win the game.

You will also be delighted, because the X-Men movies are super fun. I’ve always liked them – they are a nice mix of action, camp, that sort of stupid, saw-that-coming-a-mile-away jokes that are endearing, and a healthy dollop of righteous, “we shouldn’t be mean to people who are different!” meaningfulness. They are a great balance between lots of emotional backstory and things that catapult into the middle distance and go “boom.” Plus, at least once per movie you have a fun little “here are these new, ordinary looking people, and here are they’re wacky magical powers!” montage, as well as a showdown between mutants where the good guys use their powers in weird and clever ways. Delightful.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Also, I have rarely laughed as hard as I did at the Wolverine movie

This new (well, sorry) X-Men movie – I refer of course to X-Men: First Class! – may well be the best one yet, the funnest and also most completely realized, with a good story and (mostly) less irritating side characters. It is almost definitely the gayest. Ian McKellan’s “old friend”ing of Patrick Stewart (and vice versa) was already great, since they were enemies who used to be friends and sometimes worked together and really liked each other but often had to fight each other to save the world, and stuff.

In his plastic prison

We are going to see an old friend

They are basically Dumbledore and Grindelwald, with the same amount of gay “subtext.” I have always been fond of these kind of relationships (parse that one how you will…), and First Class is just, well, delicious in this respect. They are such good friends! Their love is so pure! And yet, they can never be, because of their tragic backstories/histories/worldviews/etc etc.

See, they are still (were?) playing chess

They are also super hot. Like, dude, Michael Fassbender. Michael Fassbender. I was skeptical about him, and all the magazine articles with his slightly weird hair, telling me how he was totally the next big thing, all star quality and sex appeal and so talented and look out, world, Michael Fassbender is coming. But oh my god, let’s keep him.

In my defense, he's really not very photogenic

James is cute, too, even if he does still look like the faun in Narnia. That pressing his hand to his temple and looking glare-y thing still looks absurd, though. Perhaps more so, without the the wheelchair and the very bald head. The crack at the end of the movie (spoiler alert?) about him going bald was cute though. Continuity!

I especially liked this movie because not only did they spend a lot of time fighting against people with thick Russian accents, which is my favorite ethnic stereotype to have as villains, they also fought Nazis, which we all know are the best possible movie villains. I am excited for Captain America for this reason (and also this reason).

Admittedly, they were Kevin Bacon Nazis

The whole 60’s setting was a great call. It allowed for a lot of hilarious furniture, especially on the submarine (submarine ahahahaha), not to mention great 60’s fashion and accessories, like January Jones. And the Cuban Missile Crisis? Just, like adorable.

I guess I’m supposed to care about Beast now, and his feelings and his transformation, but I never have, and I don’t plan to now. Alex, the kid who threw glowy coaster rings, turns out to be played by that blond kid who writes notes through the window to Taylor Swift in the “You Belong With Me” video; I knew he looked familiar.

You know

My favorite scene was the one where they go to the strip club (of course) and sit there with their two person lap dance and play I’ll show you mine if you show me yours. Oh and then Zoe Kravitz was there (err), and she was kind of terrible. Pretty wings though. Also terrible – Rose Byrne. EESH.

No worries, Rose, you were perfect in "Bridesmaids"

Point is – definitely the best James Bond movie we’ve had in years. Especially the mirrored supervillian lair, and the part where the hot guy goes to Argentina and shoots people. Let’s have another one.

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This entry was posted in famous people are just more interesting, interesting flick., Things to be excited about and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to My mutant power is writing several-weeks-behind blog posts

  1. Steph says:

    The hot guy was also Miley Cyrus’s gentle cowboy boyfriend in the Hannah Montana movie. Which I’ve definitely seen. Obviously.

  2. Michelle says:

    *Their love is PURE not POOR! (I explain with hand gestures)

  3. wow that’s embarrassing. thanks, michelle.

  4. Pingback: My childhood never looked like that | Neon Apologist

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