February 7: Community comes back! Oh and THANK GOD. There are few things I have loved more deeply and purely and missed as much (some of those things are below). Yes we have no Dan Harmon, but I am choosing to be optimistic. The cast, the writers  the set up. It will go out in a blaze of glory and we will be there.

March 19: Justin Timberlake’s new album, The 20/20 Experience. I realize some people don’t like “Suit and Tie” but I do and I love Futuresex/Lovesounds and also Justified so much and so hard and I want more. JT is fine at acting and all, but other people can he what he does on movies. No one else is doing what he does in music (littler Justin is trying, but he isn’t there yet).

April 7: Mad Men is back. Shut up, grownups are talking. Mad Men.

May 17: Star Trek Into Darkness, do you know how many times I have watched this trailer? When the first teaser came out, I learned how to do caps lock on my phone because I was just SO EXCITED. I have memorized Benedict’s little speech. I loved the first Star Trek – its comfort food for me now, I’ve watched it some 8 times. I love the lens flare, I love Zachary Quinto, I love Kirk, I love the world and the new timeline continuum. AND THEN they put Benedict Cumberbatch in it in some secret way? Gah.

July 9: There is only one volume of Saga so far, and I have read it and I just, I fell in love. Right then, right there. The story, the art, the world, the people. Everything. Volume 2 comes out July 9.

Sometime in the fall: Sherlock season 3. All those words up there, in the earlier part of this post? Just marking time, taking up space, until Sherlock season three comes out. It has to be soon. Fandom is going utterly insane.

And this is just stuff that is sequels or the next part of things that already exist! I didn’t even put on Parade’s End and Inside Llewyn Davis because they are new and who knows! Think of all the great stuff that will happen in 2013, new stuff, stuff that will have its next parts sometime in the years after that and we can be really excited about that! And then, May 1, 2015 is Avengers 2.

This year there were three best albums – the Fiona Apple, the Frank Ocean, and the Kendrick Lamar. Pretty much every best of list I looked at had those as the top three; the only question was the order. Someone has to be number one, and the other two just fall in naturally. This says maybe more about our current “music press” than about the year in music, but also, those are three really, really good albums! They are my top three, too! I just had to pick the order, and even that wasn’t hard at all.
I only did ten albums this year. I, just, there weren’t that many albums I felt super strongly about this year, and it seemed better to have ten that I really have strong feelings about than try to rank all the others I don’t even really care about enough to have opinions on? I don’t know, sorry, guys, 2012 was a singles year for me! Anyway here they are.

10. Jens Lenkman – I Know What Love Isn’t

Jens Lenkman writes these gorgeous little pop songs, like little bubbles of sunshine that float up and pop in the most delicious ways. This is a breakup album, though, and a fairly devastating one. The tension between his natural buoyancy and how sad this stuff is doesn’t always work, but when it does it’s really wonderful. Also, I just love him.

9. Cat Power – Sun

I’ve always wanted to really like Cat Power, but she was just so…dour, and her songs were so slow and disjointed. Great lyrics and I love her voice and her singing, but, couldn’t she speed them up? Put a bit more melody and rhythm in it? Turns out, she can, and the results are fantastic. This is also my favorite album cover of the year, no question.

8. Project X soundtrack

Is this cheating? Absolutely. But track for track, I don’t know that there’s a collection of songs that has brought me more enjoyment in ages. Here they all were, in one place! If you have huge party and invite Pusha T, Kid Cudi, the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Far East Movement, and Eminem its pretty much guaranteed to be great, right?

7. Sharon Van Etten – Tramp

This one kind of snuck up on me. The first few times I just heard songs and that quavery voice, guitar lines and drums, something like folk songs, something like dude-indie-rock, the kind that if it didn’t have a girl singer I wouldn’t have bothered with. But this album is…really good. There’s a depth to it, something vaguely creepy in the back, something she’s not telling us. Like St. Vincent. I like my girl singer/guitarists unnerved and fierce.

6. Hot Chip – In Our Heads

I had a moment this summer where I realized that I listen to Hot Chip more than almost any other band. Do other people do this too? Are we just not talking about it? If not, why not? Hot Chip is 80′s style bleeps and bloops and super catchy melodies and falsettos and harmonies, and also achingly perfect gorgeous songs about trying to find love in the world and about stability and about existence. I mean, the emotional payoff here is, whoa. Who doesn’t want that? Maybe it’s just me. Maybe Hot Chip is just Made For Me. In which case I will keep taking it, because it’s fantastic. This album is slightly smoother than some of the others and less dancey. It’s still perfect.

5. Grimes – Visions

Grimes seems so easy to hate, on paper. She’s like 100 pounds with those pigtails and she sings exclusively in the uppermost possible register, like someone joking about girl singers (in case you haven’t noticed, I quite like girl singers. And high voices). Every thing she does seems like its layered in so much irony and in-jokiness and art school meta that it’s hard to see where it even starts. But what if it’s…not? What if she’s just making music that sounds good? Because it does. Against all reason, in a woolly, abstract, way, this whole album is just, it’s just good. It doesn’t make sense, but it is.

4. Jessie Ware – Devotion

This album, god. I cannot stop listening to it. Smoky and sensual, and that VOICE. At first I thought Sade (of course) + The-Dream, but after the concert I figured it out – she’s Dusty Springfield + The-Dream, which is to say, everything I have ever wanted. A sweet British girl with that huge aching voice, equally capable of doing wronged and of doing devotion. Matched up with these big electronic sounds, these blips and samples and beats, that make everything sound dramatic and huge and important, like you’re floating away on a wave of her voice, like the whole world is this song right now.

3. Kendrick Lamar - good kid, m.A.A.d city

Ach, this album. There’s not much I can say because everyone else has already said everything, and much better than me. Of the top three, this one connects with me the least emotionally. I kind of wanted to hate it because everyone else liked it so much because I’m terrible. But you can’t. It’s so good. Technically, emotionally, the lyrics and the production, the story it tells, as an album and as singles. Fine, Kendrick! You’ve won.

2. Frank Ocean – channel ORANGE

Every time I listen to this album I have a new favorite song. It is stuffed – no, overstuffed – with hooks and gorgeous lines and clever little lyrics and vocal adorableness and that Earl rap. I would have happily listened a full song version of that 40 second “fertiliiizer” bit. It’s an hour long, I wanted 800 more hours. I want all the songs to be ten minute two part epics. This song is like being wrapped in something cool and creamy and sweet and smiling, and then it rips your heart out (nothing but a one-man cult) and puts it back together, grinning, just kidding, here look I made you this, too, isn’t it fun? Whatever you like, whatever feels good, whatever takes your mind tonight, the starshine always kept you warm.

1. Fiona Apple - The Idler Wheel Is Wiser Than The Driver Of The Screw & Whipping Cords Will Serve You More Than Ropes Will Ever Do

Guys, it was so hard to choose between Frank and Fiona. Most of the time it’s taken me to write this has been just that, trying to figure out which is 1 and which is 2. And, finally…channel ORANGE might be sweeter, it might actually be happier and also more pleasant, but Idler Wheel is in my bones. It’s snarled and twisted into me, it’s my thoughts before I think them, it’s angry and mean and blood and it’s constantly surprising me. Right now, as I write this, I’m listening to “Valentine” and there’s a heartbeat in my headphones, under and above her vocals, that I had never noticed before, in the many, many, many times I’ve listened to this album. This thing is constructed, it’s built, it’s grown, like some sort of alien spaceship, pulsing and tendrils and bubbling underneath, looking at me. I just want to feel everything.
And yet, for all the angry mean stuff, it’s not a sad album. It’s not a downer. It’s moving forward, it’s wondering and hoping and questioning and regrets, sure, but also excitement and feeling and a cinemascope screen showing a dancing bird of paradise. It’s alive.

Songs! This is a list of songs I really liked this year, mostly singles or songs that I knew about individually, rather than on full albums. Albums are albums songs are songs, yknow? Or something. Anyway these are fifteen songs that I fucking loved from this year and that I thought you might want to know about. All mp3s available upon request!

1. TNGHT – “Higher Ground”

The first time I listened to this I was like, okay, and then the second time I listened to it I was like “this is incredible, those horns, that BASS” and I have not been able to stop listening to it since, it is an addiction. This thing is a MONSTER.

2. Jessie Ware – “Wildest Moments”

More Jessie Ware all the time forever. This is this year’s best example of what Steph and I call “floazy” music, those big epic songs that sound like the have entire weather patterns in their backing tracks. This one is huge and big but also emotional and sad and incredibly happy but also incredibly heartbreaking, and I just want to live in it.

3. Kid Cudi – “Pursuit of Happiness” (Steve Aoki remix)

“Pursuit of Happiness” is a pretty good song. This remix is the BEST song. When the drums break and the synths come in and he put crowd noises in the synths and it just hits right like that, you can be sitting on your couch in pajamas and part of the biggest party in the world. Play this at your next party, play this in the car as the sun is rising, play this when you want to feel happy to be in the world.

4. Usher – “Climax”

This song just…has everything I like. Shivery synths, big keening vocals, that sort of creepy sort of dancey back beat, a nice spare production that suddenly crescendoes and pours over you. It is a song made of perfect, perfect parts, topped off by Usher maybe doing the best song of his career. It has everything I like, but also everyone likes this.

5. Icona Pop – “I Love It” (Feat. Charli XCX)

Starts hard and doesn’t stop. You want to yell along every single word, while jumping up and down and also screaming out of a car window. I DON’T CARE I LOVE IT.

6. Sky Ferreira – “Everything Is Embarrassing”

It’s just the prettiest. Smooth and warm, washing over you but with that drumbeat to keep it from getting boring, and her warm but sad vocals over on top. Also I guarantee once you know this song you will find that humming “could have been my everything, now everything’s embarrassing” to yourself gets you through a lot of terrible times.

6. Miguel – “Adorn”

I didn’t get to Miguel’s album in 2012, but I’m fairly certain I’m going to love it based on this perfect three minutes. Like a bouncier, more melodic Prince, like The-Dream but smoother and funner and clearer. I love the little dripping sounds in this song, and the repeated backing vocal, all mushed up and mumbled. I love the rhythm, the way it makes your hips bump no matter what you’re doing, and the trills that don’t so show offy – it sounds like Miguel is just so excited he just, he can’t contain it. And I just love the sentiment – let my love, let my love adorn you.

7. Chairlift – “I Belong In Your Arms”

If you don’t like this song, you probably don’t have ears and also have never loved anyone or anything in your life.

8. Kitty Pryde – “Okay Cupid”

Kitty Pryde is definitely not for everyone, but she is definitely for me. I just find her sort of charming and funny and fun, and I like what she does and I want her to do well. She kind of reminds me of one of my campers, if my campers were more fucked up and also were rappers. I love the hazy vibe of this song, I love the terrible girl chorus, I love the part where she sings Frank Ocean. What she thinks is funny I also think is funny, I like the things she likes, even her name. I have always had more affection than I really should for teenagers and their overemotional poor decision making lives, and that is what this song is and its adorable.

9. Young Galaxy – “Youth is Wasted On the Young”

The most musically self-referential indie rock song since “Losing My Edge,” but that still doesnt mean I don’t want “I wouldn’t mind dying at all/If it weren’t for the songs I’d miss,” written all over my trapper keeper/facebook/Chucks/skin/life.

10. Disclosure – “Latch”

I know nothing about this song, or this band, just that when that falsetto sample starts in the back its all I want in the world, forever and ever, and that they made it just for me.

11. Stockholm Syndrome – “Pretty Girl”

My friend Caroline and I made a playlist we would listen to while getting dressed and doing shots in our rooms that we labelled “dirty party.” This song is basically the best possible version of that.

12. Joey Bada$$ – “World Domination”

I dunno, pretty much the most charming rap song I heard this year.

13. Cheryl Cole – “Call My Name”

It turns out I only really like the buildup and the hook on this song, the “how’d you think I feel” but I really like that part. Also I put this performance in instead of the official video because SWAN DIVE.

14. Parlovr – “You Only Want It ‘Cause You’re Lonely”

Maybe you want some mopey indie rock – I mean, that song title, really – but maybe you want the best mopey indie rock song, the one with a really good chorus and a nice big drum line and some adorable backing vocals? You totally do.

15. Xylos – “Summmerlong”

It’s almost clinically impossible to listen to this song when it is no longer summer. But even during summer, it is sad and wistful and lonely, and pretty and reminds you that time is passing but also that is ok, because time is passing listening to this song and this song is wonderful.

Aw hell, I miscounted. That is 15 songs, but I have one more! Bonus extra here is one more awesome song.

Karneef – “We Found Money”

One disclaimer here first -I haven’t seen Argo. I know, I know! Iim sorry! It just, somehow slipped through my fingers and now its barely in theaters and I missed it. I’m sure it was great. I’m sure I will see it, and love it. But it’s not on this list.

It was a good year! I saw less movies than in years past, but I also saw fewer shit movies than I had in years past, so I would say this is a positive development! For me, the movies that come first on the list are the ones that were the most fun, that filled me with the most joy, pure and simple, where being at the theater was just an experience of awe and delight. This year, many of those movies were big tentpole franchisey things, those usually derided. Which, again, I think is a positive development!

1. The Avengers

Guys, I just loved this movie. I mean, we all did. It made so much money. It sparked so many tumblrs and fandom and internet insanity. Everyone loved this movie. This movie was just so … lovable. There was so much to love: multiple lovable characters. Big action set pieces. Jokes! Friendship and love, conflict and resolution (in multiple senses of the word), big personalities rubbing against each other, ruthless efficiency and wild chaos. And, yknow, Tom Hiddleston. It was a movie that had everything; it was a movie that gave you what you wanted, and then gave you more and more and more. It was fun and fundamentally  it was generous. Why be stingy with joy and pleasure? Why not pile more and more of it on top of itself until it’s 3 hours of laughter and fun and things exploding, unwieldy and threatening to collapse, at which point we’d just laugh and watch it again.

2. Skyfall

Admittedly, I am biased, because I have always loved James Bond. But Skyfall was such good Bond. Again, it was not stingy with it’s pleasures – we got Silva AND Q AND Eve, not to mention James himself, all quips and a solid face of muscle and those haunted eyes. And there was a scene in a glowing glass building, and on an abandoned island, and on boats and in planes and that killer car chase and then the final set piece (all three or four of them), and now here we are, set up for a whole new century of fantastic Bond movies, forever and ever, formulaic and expected and put together like clockwork, like a shiny car or a well-made watch, clicking smoothly into the future.

3. Cabin in the Woods

Hey kids, do you like violence? How about jokes? Surprises? Archetypes upended, meta-commentary on tropes and media references? How about apocalypses, mythology, bureaucracy, and the comic stylings of Bradley Whitford and Richard Jenkins? Also did I mention the jokes, and the sheer uproarious joy of having everything pulled out from under you exactly the way you expected it to? I won’t say any more, but this movie is best watched laughing and yelling with as many people as you can.

4. Magic Mike

A movie about Channing Tatum’s stripper days, directed by Steven Soderbergh. There was no way this could live up to its possibilities, and then it did. Funny and sad, gorgeous and also heartbreaking, with a real story as well as it’s incredible moments. Also if we were doing a “Best Two Minutes on Movie Screens of 2012,” the above wins IN A LANDSLIDE.

5. Zero Dark Thirty

I feel sort of similarly about this movie as I did about Hurt Locker - I watched it admiringly, noting how well made it was, how careful every detail was, every shot, every action, every actor, every moment. And yet. I haven’t thought about it since I saw it a few weeks ago. But it’s still a very good movie! If fairly fascistic, but that’s neither here nor there. Number 5. Let’s move on.

6.  Katy Perry: Part of Me

Again, a movie for me. Your results may vary. But I love Katy, and it was wonderful to see her perform, and watch her candy-coated world that she constructed to show us, and then watch it fall apart. Was it still fake? Of course. But her fakery has so many layers upon itself that it somehow becomes a truth, you know? A catchy, candy-coated truth in the perfect shade of lipstick.

7. Beasts of the Southern Wild

A few months later, all I remember of this movie is images – the sparklers, the large boars, floating in the car, the rain and the birds, dancing with the women in the shack in the middle of the water, the people in the bar. It was a fairy tale, a folk tale, an expression of feeling and a dream, and let’s leave it at that.

8. Lincoln

Look, when our greatest director combines with our greatest actor and our greatest playwright to tackle one of our greatest subjects, the result is going to be immaculate and incredibly good. What do you want from me.

9. Safety Not Guaranteed

I walked out of this movie feeling vaguely unsatisfied by it, and now for the life of me I have no idea why. Everything I remember about was charming and shambolic and so perfectly itself, and there were enough ideas, unfulfilled and unused though they may have been, to power four or five other equally charming movies. As well as so many of my favorite actors. Now actually I want to see it again.

10. Project X

If you didn’t enjoy the total insanity and absurdity that this movie was, then I am never inviting you to another one of my parties again.
Also tied with Magic Mike for “immediately made me come home and start making playlists.”

11. Looper

10. The Dark Knight Rises

11. The Amazing Spiderman

12. Breaking Dawn Part 2
Look, this isn’t a great movie or anything, but the fake-out battle death scene towards the end was the single greatest moment of moviegoing of my entire freaking year.

13. Les Miserables

14. Brave

15. The Hunger Games

———————————- The Line of Good Conscience 

16. Snow White and the Huntsman

17. Men In Black 3

18. Prometheus

I also saw Titanic 3D this year, which as great.

Best Movies of 2012

Best Albums of 2012

Best Songs of 2012 

Best Articles of 2012 (available on my other blog, the one about good magazine articles!)

Best Books of 2012 – Um, I’m working on reading more, really I am. Right now I can tell you that Fault in Our Stars, which actually came out in 2012, is the best sad book I have ever read and also saddest best book. Also, if you like graphic novels, Unwritten and Saga are currently killing it.

Best Television of 2012 – Just watch Sherlock already.

And yet here I am, watching Abed be Don Draper for the millionth time on the livestream, interspersed with a few glances at First Doctor (so old!).

Recently I’ve realized how hard it is for me to start something new. Really hard! It takes me a long time to warm up to a new world, a new universe, a new fictional plane of existence. I am always judging first episodes, first chapters, first books as being only okay, or not that engaging, or, and this is the most common, “pleasant, but not really a pull, yknow?” But that is because it’s the first episode, and I never like things until they’ve dug their hooks into me, until I’ve found and understood and fleshed out a new world. Game of Thrones the book, with its genealogies and maps and endless explanations of place and custom and world, over Game of Thrones the show and it’s boobs (although, boobs). It takes me a while to live in a place.

And once I’m there, I want to stay there. I’m a rewatcher, a rereader, a fanfiction dabbler (and occasionally addict). I have a lot of fictional inertia, is what I’m saying. It requires a lot of energy to get me into things, to get over that hump, and then I coast in it, forever and ever and buy the water bottles and watch the livestreams and the gifs and the quotes and the references, forever and ever. 

But for real, starting Nashville, tonight. As soon as I finish this chapter in my 8th reread of Thief of Time.

All the songs on Red that are good, because they sound like “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together”:

Red

22 (oof)

I Knew You Were Trouble

and, slightly different, Stay Stay Stay

There you go! That’s it. Now you don’t have to wade through the whole long album, and it is long, and full of songs like “Sad Beautiful Tragic,” no really that is the name of a song. Enjoy!

Example.

There exists sites to stream things, live. Some GENIUSES decided the best things to do this with are…TV shows. Whole series, running in loop, 24/7, and then repeating. The first one I heard about was Adventure Time (duh) but now there are tons. I have Doctor Who and Community – TWO Community streams, actually, slightly off from each other so they are always playing different episodes – open in my browser for the past week, with the sound off, just playing underneath everything I do.

For instance, right now.

Now, on the surface this is actaully not helpful at all. It’s like watchign your favorite shows – all of which are available on the internet , anyway – but you can’t pause or go forward or back, and you can’t choose what you watch. It just keeps going, always. The episode ends and the next one starts, the series ends and then starts over from the beginning. Which is what I love about it. It’s like the show becomes something endless and inexorable, always spinning, always on, even when you’re not watching, even as the world sleeps. Like the ocean, it keeps going.

Like this, but with more snappy comebacks

It’s also wonderful to watch it move, and like, change, over time. This makes the Doctor Who funner, in a sense. Community is only 3 seasons of half hour episodes, it takes about 22 hours to go through the whole thing, so it’s just constantly repeating, showing the scenes I saw a few hours ago, again. Doctor Who takes 3 days, and you can watch it move from Nine to Ten to Eleven, cycle through companions, get brighter and shinier and then darker again.

It’s this sense of motion that I love, and it’s the reason that the James Bond feed isn’t quite as perfect. I was so excited when I first found it! So perfect! 2 days for all the movies, give or take. Constantly changing. But….it is James Bond movies, but not in order. They put on what they feel like. Which is still fun! But without the sense of moving forward, of watching Connery to Moore to Craig…well, it loses, something.

I love livestreams like I love plate tectonics. Something inexorable.

You can watch them…not grow!

I spent a train ride calculating how long it would take to loop thru the other things I want there to be livestreams of (that is how much I love this):

Arrested Development: 20 hours (so far!). Less than a day, looping through, letting you pick up all the references that much quicker.

30 Rock: Two days. Two DAYS of 30 Rock oh god it would be great. You can watch everyone’s hair change, and Liz’s various boyfriends flicker through, and there would just be so. many. jokes. Two days!

Sherlock is only 9 hours, total, so despite how much I would watch that livestream it is probably not quite worth it. Firefly, even with Serenity, is still only 10 hours too. Nonetheless, think of how much this would get watched.

Buffy: 4.5 days. Days of vampires turning to dust and Willow’s hair and the cycle of villains and oh god WHY DOESN’T THIS EXIST ALREADY??

Make it happen, internet.

Floppy cute British boys running around solving mysteries and saving the day, what’s not to like?

We’ve been watching New Who, I should say, the revival, the one that started in 2005 and has been traipsing around since then with it’s fancy production values, casting British heartthrobs and becoming a phenomenon and being silly but also, you know, totally heartbreaking. The best description, actually, of the combination of silliness and heartwrenching, is from Glen Wheldon, who described how goofy and wacky it is and that, also, sometimes it makes you want to lock your heart away in a box. To keep it from getting hurt again, I mean.

Heart in a box!

It is totally acceptable to only watch the revival. Expected, even. Doctor Who was on for 26 seasons before it went away (and came back). That’s ages! 789 episodes, some of which don’t even like, exist in the watchable world anymore. And then there are radio dramas and novelizations and comic books and like, who even knows. Watching all of it…well, that’s just crazy.

And yet. I have this completist instinct, this desire to have finished a thing. It is hard for me not to start on book 1, episode 001, issue 0. And I have to finish it. I’m a bitter-ender, it’s in my nature. One of the best things about dating Jim is he is an early-dropper, and it balances me out. I stopped watching HIMYM, and I feel better for it!

No disrespect, HIMYM! Your first three seasons are still gold!

Doctor Who, though…it’s calling up these instincts, this part of my brain that says, “Seven hundred episodes isn’t that many.” “You can totally do it. What else are the hours of your life taken up with?” I find myself on the wiki pages, looking up histories and character names and thinking hey, wouldn’t it be cool if I knew this stuff, if I had seen all the episodes that reference it and I was an expert? 

This is the same part of my brain that tells me I can’t skip episodes two and three of a 100-episode podcast, even if they are only 8 minutes long and it’s not consecutive anyway. It’s the part that says that I really must read the newest Lemony Snicket book, despite the fact that I stil lhavent read the last two of his main series. Doctor Who is so long, so intricate, so expansive and capable of going completely overboard on…it speaks to all these instincts, for better or worse.

Planet of Fire is only 100 something minutes long, you can do it whenever!

For worse, mostly. I’ve been watching one Classic Who episode for like, the past week. It is slow going. It’s like all the same things happen as in the new show, but slower, and with less whimsy. I…probably don’t need to do this. Luckily my inability to get anything done acts as a fairly firm countermeasure to wanting to do way more than I possibly can.

What I’m saying here is, I kind of love (most of) the new Justin Timeberlake Bieber album. Of the things that I have been worrying about, I can now cross “Justin Bieber’s maturation as a pop star” off my list. He’ll be fine!

This album just sounds expensive. And not in the Kanye “Hermes of verses” way – in the same way that like, a giant CGI robot knocking into a building in a Transformers movie sounds expensive. They just put a lot of stuff into this, shiny glittery metallic fake stuff, stuff that sounds very 2012 and entirely disposable, that goes right into the ear’s pleasure centers and then right out again. Completely disposable, completely successful.

His voice is…pretty good, I think? I can’t really tell under all the machinery. It’s interesting, at least, and it’s probably as good as his hair, which is most of what he has to live up to. I would prefer a new Justin Timberlake album, obvi, but we’ll take the wannabe-Michael Jackson’s we can get. SPEAKING OF, you really need to see/hear this for yourselves:

It’s like Billie Jean but….terrrrrrible. Justin, no! I mean I guess you had to, but argh.

I’m sorry for that, but you needed to know. Here, palate cleanser:

How great is Boyfriend? So great.